&$%#*$@ Apples, how do they taste?!?!

I'm getting a perverse pleasure from sampling the dozen different varieties of apples offered by my local grocer.  It's not something I've ever indulged in before, so I don't know why I'm going out of my way to map my lunch plans around a daily apple, but there it is.

Today I had a massive breakfast so I decided to go with a dual-apple lunch in leiu of anything more substantial.  First was a New York Gala, which cost me 38 cents, and I consider myself overcharged by 39.  It's frankly the worst apple I've ever eaten.  There's virtually no sugar content, but also no acidity or bite.  It's also the softest apple I've ever experienced.  It's like if you took the apple mush residue from a commercial juice making facility and reconstituted it into apple form.  I originally had no idea why people would pay money for this variety of fruit, but then, recalling my near death experience trying to exit the parking lot on a monday (which is kind of a senior expedition day for the local retirement communities), it hit me:  If I was an infirm granny with aching or fake teeth and GI tract issues, this is basically the only apple I could eat.

The second, a New York Empire, tastes like a soft hybrid of a gala and a McIntosh (internet research suggests I was close:  McIntosh x Red Delicious).  It's not as tart as a McIntosh, slightly sweeter than the Gala, and almost as soft.  Which is to say I dislike it severely.

My favorite since I began experimenting is a Jazz apple, which I'm surprised to learn is a hybrid of a Gala (yuck) and a Braeburn (hard, tart, yum) and is relatively new to the global apple market.  I've been wanting to try a Temptation apple, but it's three times more expensive than the NY varieties I sampled this afternoon, and rudimentary Google searches are turning up decidedly NSFW results that have nothing to do with the firmness or flowing juices of edible produce.